Torn - cont.

Last night we decided to give the crib one more try. We did our normal routine - bath, books, rocker, prayers - then bed. The "then bed" part was a little rough, he fought me with every bit of strength he had left in him. None the less I got him into the crib, kissed him goodnight and left the room. I left him there crying and it broke my heart. It didn't last long - maybe 3 minutes. Whew - only 3 minutes, I thought to myslef, we are in the clear. I changed into my jammies, watched some Jon & Kate and then went to bed to read. The last time I looked at the clock it was about 10:15 and I thought to myself, please God, let him sleep the night.

Well, I got an hour and half of good deep sleep before I heard the screaming over the monitor. Here we go again. I decided to let him cry for a while to see if he'd go back to sleep. Listening to that scream brought back every horrible memory of the "crying it out" we did when he was about 8 months old. After 30 minutes of pure torture I broke and went upstairs. Again he was standing there, teddys in arms, pointing to the daybed. OK, buddy, sit tight, mommy will get the bed ready. The daybed is covered with junk and has no sheets, so I pulled out the trundle and took him, the teddys, his pillow and blanket and laid them on the bed. He was content - didn't move, didn't make a peep. I tucked him in and told him I'd be back. I left the room to go get my phone, otherwise known as my alarm clock, and went back up to his room. He was still laying there, hadn't moved, hadn't cried.

I laid down with him for 5 minutes then whispered to him, you sleep in your big boy bed, mommy is going to sleep in the other bed. And up I got and climbed into the bottom bunk of his bunk beds (yes, we have quite a few beds in his big boy room - 5 to be exact if you count his crib and there is still plenty of room)- which also doesn't have sheets on and laid there to watch him. He didn't get up, didn't try to play or talk to me, just laid there playing with his hair until he fell asleep. And sleep he did - the whole night.

So tonight I may try just putting him in the big boy bed and leaving it at that. Although I will have anxiety the whole time, he might sleep better.